MORE THAN 30 YEARS have passed since Paul and Betsy Rose Franklin first opened their home to some of San Mateo County’s most troubled foster kids.
Their service was honored during a recent San Mateo County Board of Supervisors meeting, and social workers are calling for more foster parents — also known as resource parents — to consider signing up.
“We need more families. What I would say is, if someone has an interest — if they have an inspiration in their heart — give us a call,” said Nicole Daly, supervising mental health clinician with San Mateo County Children and Family Services.
She said shortages in resource families within the county often means children must be placed outside the county, which makes visits with family challenging.
“We have a whole unit that meets with families who are interested and really talks them through the process,” she said.
Speaking to a reporter after announcing their retirement, the Franklins laughed (and sometimes cried) as they reflected on decades spent loving children in need — staying the course when things got tough, making sure every kid in their home graduated from high school and even adopting three of the boys.
Lessons on life and love
The Franklins described the many lessons taught in their home over the years. One lesson was about belonging regardless of skin color.
Originally from Panama, Betsy remembered times when strangers thought she was kidnapping children while out in public with her foster kids who didn’t look like her.
“We taught them that people label us,” Betsy said. “But what we are is human beings — our blood, our heart, everything — and we’re family.”
Another lesson was about self-reflection and patience. Paul taught this through a passion for fishing.
“I tell them, the fish ain’t gonna bite just because you want it to bite. It’s gonna bite when it’s ready; you just have to be there waiting. That’s patience,” he said. “When you have a problem and you want to think, get your fishing pole and sit on the bank.”
But the word that surfaced the most frequently as they walked through the past three decades was “love.”
“If you take the kids in your home, if you’re not going to love them like they’re your own, leave them where they are,” Paul said.
Providing permanence
The couple recalled camping trips, family vacations and Thanksgiving holidays that packed their home with a growing number of foster youth they supported and oftentimes the biological parents of those kids. Betsy stressed the importance of keeping children connected to their families when possible.
“I teach my kids love. In spite of whatever their parents went through, we are going to love them,” she said, sharing a story of taking one foster daughter to her biological father’s graduation. That father later sent her a text reading, “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.”
“We taught them that people label us. But what we are is human beings — our blood, our heart, everything — and we’re family.”
Betsy Rose Franklin
Daly explained that the county does not terminate parental rights; instead, children who are no longer on the path to reunite with the families from which they were taken are put into what’s called permanent placement. She noted that the Franklins specialized in serving this particular demographic of foster youth with complex trauma and that the kids stayed in their home until they aged out.
“(The Franklins) have been part of our therapeutic program, which is a higher level of support where they have a lot more staff and clinicians,” Daly said. “I’ve been in the county now over 20 years, and at any given time, I would go to a meeting, and someone would say, ‘Hey, Nicole, does Miss Betsy have an opening? We have this great kid.’ And so many times I would have to say, ‘I’m sorry, they’re full.’ So everyone always knows Miss Betsy and Mr. Paul were full because when they met the kids, the kids stayed with them.”
Betsy’s advice for new or aspiring resource families is to separate the child — someone with deep trauma — from their behavior. She recalled one teen boy with a reputation so notorious she was told by other foster parents that he would never graduate from high school and that the Franklins would, like many others, send him back into the system. “That boy has crashed our car. I should have called the county and tell them to pick him up, but we didn’t do that,” Betsy said, adding that that same kid went on to graduate from college with a master’s degree.
“You have to really have a heart for kids, because if you take the kid in and just because they spit on something or they do something bad, and you call CPS to come pick them up, you’re doing more damage to those kids than you’re really helping them,” she said. “You can’t think of it as a business; you have to have the love.”
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT FOSTER PARENTING
➤ “If I become a Resource Family, am I on my own?”
No. Resource Families in San Mateo County receive a high level of support.
You do not have to figure everything out by yourself. Resource Families are part of a team focused on the child’s safety, health and well-being.
Support may include:
- A social worker who helps guide and support the child and family throughout the placement and answers questions
- Clinicians who can support children, youth and families with emotional and behavioral needs
- Fourteen hours of training before approval and ongoing learning after a child is placed
- Peer support from other Resource Families
- Help understanding the child’s medical, school and daily care needs
- Support during transitions, including reunification when children can safely return to their parents or family
Many Resource Families say this network becomes an important source of encouragement, guidance and connection.
Being a Resource Family takes commitment, patience and flexibility. But in San Mateo County, you are not expected to do it alone.
➤ “Do I have to be married to become a Resource Family?”
No. Resource Families can be single, married or partnered. What matters most is that you can provide a safe, stable and nurturing home for a child or youth.
Resource Families can come from many backgrounds, age groups, family structures and life experiences.
➤ “Do I have to own my home?”
No. You do not have to own a home to become a Resource Family. Renters may apply.
Your home must be safe and appropriate for a child or youth. As part of the approval process, the home is inspected to make sure it meets safety standards. You will need to show proof of your ability to reside in the home, such as lease, mortgage or statement from a landlord.
➤ “Do I have to be wealthy?”
No. Resource Families do not need to be wealthy. They do need to show they can provide a stable home and demonstrate they can independently support themselves without depending on the youth’s monthly monetary stipend.
The monthly stipend helps cover the cost of caring for a child, including food, shelter, clothing and other needs. The stipend is not considered income, as it is appropriated to support the care and needs of the youth in placement.
➤ “Is foster care the same as adoption?”
No. Foster care and adoption are not the same.
Foster care is often temporary. The first goal is usually to safely reunify children with their parents or family when possible. If reunification is not possible, social workers and the court may create another permanent plan for the child.
In San Mateo County, families who want to adopt through foster care must first become approved Resource Families.
➤ “If I become a Resource Family, will the child definitely stay with me forever?”
No. Many children stay with a Resource Family for a short time, while others may need care for a longer period. A child may stay for a few days, several months or longer, depending on the child’s needs, and the family’s situation.
Resource Families play an important role by giving children safety, stability and care during an uncertain time.
➤ “Do Resource Families only care for babies and young children?”
No. Children and youth in foster care can range in age from newborns to young adults. Under California law, foster care can extend up to age 21.
San Mateo County has a need for Resource Families who can care for adolescents, sibling groups and children who need emergency placements. Spanish-speaking Resource Families are especially needed to support children and families who prefer to communicate in Spanish and to help maintain important family, cultural and language connections.
➤ “Can I choose the age range or needs I am best able to support?”
Yes. Resource Families may talk with the County about the age group, gender and needs they are best able to support.
Some families may be able to care for teens. Others may be able to care for sibling groups, children with health needs, children with disabilities or children who need short-term emergency care.
The goal is to make safe and thoughtful matches that support the child and the Resource Family.
➤ “Do I need parenting experience?”
Not always. Parenting experience can be helpful, but it is not the only thing that matters.
Resource Families receive training before approval. They also work with social workers and receive ongoing support to help meet the child’s medical, emotional, educational and everyday needs.
➤ “Is the approval process too hard or expensive?”
The process takes commitment, but training and inspections are provided free of charge.
Adults who want to become Resource Families must complete approval training and CPR/First Aid certification. All adults living in the home must complete background checks. The home must also pass a safety inspection.
The approval process takes an average of 90 days but can move more quickly depending on how quickly the resource family completes documents and interviews.
➤ “Are LGBTQIA+ people welcome to become Resource Families?”
Yes. Resource Families can be gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, queer or part of another LGBTQIA+ community.
The County welcomes caring adults who can provide a safe, stable and loving home for a child or youth.
➤ “Do Resource Families replace a child’s birth family?”
No. Resource Families do not replace a child’s family.
When safe and appropriate, foster care focuses on family reunification. This means helping children return to their parents or family once safety concerns have been addressed and mitigated.
Resource Families provide care, stability and support while the child’s parents or caregivers work on the steps needed for reunification.
➤ “Do I have to be perfect to become a Resource Family?”
No. Resource Families do not have to be perfect. They do need to be safe, reliable, flexible, patient and willing to learn.
Children and youth in foster care may have experienced trauma, grief, separation or uncertainty. They need adults who can provide care, consistency and understanding.
➤ “Are Resource Families only needed for long-term placements?”
No. Resource Families are needed for different types of care, including short-term, long-term and emergency placements.
Some children may need a safe place for only a few days. Others may need care for a longer time. Families can talk with the Resource Family Approval team about what type of care may be the best fit.
➤ “Can relatives become Resource Families?”
Yes. Whenever possible, the County tries to place children with suitable and available extended family members.
Relatives and other caring adults who know the child may be considered for placement, but they still must meet approval and safety requirements.
➤ “If I’m interested, do I have to decide right away?”
No. Learning more is the first step.
MORE INFORMATION
If you are curious about becoming a Resource Family, you can contact the Resource Family Approval Unit to ask questions, learn about the process and decide whether it may be right for you.
For more information about the Resource Family Approval Program, contact the County of San Mateo Human Services Agency at 650-802-7636 or visit online.
— SOURCE: County of San Mateo Human Services Agency