CHRISTIANITY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY is really important. It has become part of my life and part of the life of my family. All I do is spend my time at church; if I’m not in school or anywhere else, I am in church. I am not complaining because Christianity, going to church, and God, saved my life and helped me find who I really was, the person who I like now.
I’ve been part of a church since I was born. I served God and knew who He was, but I never really understood it and never cared for it much. My parents taught me so many things about church and the Bible, but I thought it was pointless. As I grew older, I started understanding more things, like why we were baptized and the reason why girls and women had to dress modestly.
When I turned 13, I started to become embarrassed about who I was, which was a Christian. I wouldn’t even tell my friends because I thought it was embarrassing. When I was about to turn 14, my parents decided to open a church of our own. I was excited but embarrassed because I had to follow rules; rules that I didn’t want to apply in my life. My parents understood this and didn’t want to force me into anything. Little did they know that later it would make me feel like a failure if I didn’t fully accept Christianity.
“Todo lo puedo en cristo que me fortalece,” “All I can do through Christ who strengthens me” is what I would repeat to myself. This quote helped me in so many ways and many times.
When I turned 14, I discovered singing and how much I liked to sing. I started singing at my church, but in order for me to continue singing I had to follow the rules of the church. My dad tried to make me follow the rules, but I didn’t want to.
From worse to worst
This was probably my worst year ever. I remember falling into depression and not wanting to do anything, just staying in my room and crying all night and all day. My parents didn’t know how I was feeling, because this was the year that I felt like I was not only failing my church but also my parents — and God. I knew I could do better, and I knew at that time I would understand and change. But I went from worse to worst, I felt like I had a hole in my heart, and I tried to fill it up with anything. I tried to fill it up with bad substances or bad actions. Nothing was working.
It came to a point where I was thinking that my life had no purpose, no point. I would pretend to be happy and proud of myself, when in reality I was a mess. I was in the worst place possible.
It came to a point where I was thinking that my life had no purpose, no point. I would pretend to be happy and proud of myself, when in reality I was a mess. I was in the worst place possible.
Every year there was a youth camp during summer, and I would go every year, and I remember thinking, “God, if I don’t feel your presence in this camp, I am going to give up.” And that was my plan after camp, just give up. The first day went by, then the second, then the third, then the fourth, and nothing. It was the last night, and I remember the preacher preaching about how we are stronger than what we think and that we aren’t perfect.
When he finished preaching, I remember him doing a demonstration. He said, “If you feel like giving up but you want to give God a chance, come to the front and put your shoes at the altar as a sign of a pact with God.”
Shoes at the altar
When I heard those words, I thought he was just joking, but I saw other people do it, so I decided to do it too. As I was walking to the altar, I felt a sudden spike in my heart, and my eyes started tearing up out of nowhere. I couldn’t understand what was happening or what I was feeling.
I put my shoes at the altar, and when I did, I felt something warm and comforting fall over me, and suddenly I heard, “Do not worry my daughter, you are safe now.”
I suddenly felt the presence of God and felt the change happen in me. When camp finished, I felt like a new person, someone who just got renewed and restored. I went home and had the biggest feeling of peace. I felt happy, and I didn’t have to fake the happiness in my life.
When I started high school, I felt like a new person and I was done going through hell, so I decided to shine with my modesty. Now I am a positive person because I know that there is an almighty God taking care of me. I pursued my singing hobby, and now I am the lead singer in my church of 200 people whom I consider as family. Thanks to God, I am the person who I am today.
A person of love, positivity and humbleness.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10
Estrella Calderon is an 11th grader at John F. Kennedy High School in Richmond. She is in the ASB leadership class serving as one of the ASB presidents and is a youth leader at her home church, Iglesia Pentecostal “Vida” Richmond.
This story originally appeared in CCSpin.