AFTER BEING WAREHOUSED in a California prison for decades before their release, formerly incarcerated men and women visited San Quentin Rehabilitation Center for a symposium on emotional awareness and healing.
The event was held Oct. 16 and was sponsored by the Emotional Awareness Therapy (EAT) program, a 52-week, 12-step guided diversion program that uses incarcerated and formerly incarcerated individuals to help teach the importance of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It’s a group founded by incarcerated person Harry C. Goodall Jr.
Members of the group gathered in a circle sitting eye-to-eye with their former peers for a dialogue rooted in vulnerability and accountability.
Sol Mercado is a formerly incarcerated woman who helped facilitate the event. She spent 16 years in the Central California Women’s Facility for shooting and killing a man as a teenager.
“I told myself nobody is going to hurt me anymore, that’s what led me to committing my crime,” she said. “A lot of us were victims before we were perpetrators.”
Mercado went on to share how she was repeatedly raped by a family member as a young child and as a teen. She said that most of the violence she endured came from her own family. She was kicked out of her home at 13 years old and eventually joined a gang and committed murder.
While incarcerated, she found a way to make amends to her victim and transform her life through gardening at CCWF, where incarcerated people hang up tribute ribbons for their crimes to pay respect to their victims. Now out of prison for five years, she works at Planting Justice, an organization that empowers incarcerated and formerly incarcerated people to cultivate community healing and food sovereignty through gardening.
Caroline Robles also attended the symposium. She was sentenced to 15 years-to-life for second-degree murder. Robles talked about growing up in a very dysfunctional household in East Los Angeles. After serving several years in prison, she found her strength through religion. After her release, she still devotes her life to Jesus Christ and working to help incarcerated women.
Michele Scott was sentenced to life without the possibility of parole. She spent 30 years in prison before getting a rare commutation from then-Gov. Jerry Brown in 2018. Released in 2021, she continues to share her story and strength to help advocate for more than 5,200 people serving life sentences without the possibility of parole, or LWOP, in California.
Trauma histories shape paths to violence
Studies show that around 97 percent of people in prison suffered multiple traumatic events that are considered adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Examples of ACEs include physical and sexual abuse, neglect, substance abuse, parental separation, homelessness, domestic violence and more. Some of the participants took ACE exams scoring as high as 12, indicating they had an extremely traumatic childhood.
Kelly Savage-Rodriguez is a domestic violence survivor. She was convicted of a murder she did not commit. She was sentenced to life without parole and spent 23 years in prison before she got a commutation, also by the former governor Brown. Today, she is the Drop LWOP coordinator for the California Coalition for Women Prisoners.
“The hardest thing to talk about is the worst day of your life,” said Savage-Rodriguez. “It’s important to hear from others to understand what accountability looks like. Healing is real and achievable. The greatest thing for me is, not just healing, but to be able to pay it forward.”
Processing the pain of wrongful convictions and ACEs through therapy, healing dialogues, and community-based support helps build resilience and counteract symptoms, according to the CDC. Cognitive behavioral therapy is often recommended to aid in the healing process.
Aaron Martin is a former San Quentin resident who served 31 years in prison. He has been out for almost five years and continues to engage in therapy and utilize learned coping skills. He continues to work with a self-help group he took while in prison called No More Tears, a nonprofit organization that works with communities impacted by crime and violence, focusing on prison programming, reentry and youth mentorship. Martin said that continuing to do the work is the secret to not recidivating.
“I found my authentic self while in prison and I developed some tools that help me,” he said. “I focus on God, family, and the trauma I put them through by being incarcerated. I never want them to have to go through that pain again.”
The symposium was filmed by documentary specialist David Flores, executive director of Berkeley Community Media. He captured the heartache, pain, and healing that transpired during the group discussion and interviewed many of the participants privately for a potential documentary. Jerry Gearin, who has been incarcerated over two decades, agreed to participate in the interviews.
“It took me a long time to accept accountability for the horrible crimes that I committed,” said Gearin. “I sat in prison 16 years before I finally opened up and admitted it during an addiction recovery counseling session. I eventually got past my guilt, shame, and the stigma. Now I’m able to be on the road to healing and recovery.”
Empowerment through vulnerability
Pheng Ly was just a 17-year old boy when he came to prison. He suffered many traumas before prison that were compounded by what happened when he arrived. At 4 feet, 8 inches tall and only 70 pounds, he admitted to being sexually assaulted every day for two years. Now incarcerated for over 30 years, he said that being vulnerable and admitting what happened to him empowers him.
“I’m reclaiming my power by listening to other survivors,” he said. “Understanding my own trauma empowers me to want to start my own childhood and adult sexual assault survivors group.”
Juveniles suffer sexual assault, violence and victimization more greatly than adults entering prison, according to the National Institutes of Health. This cycle of violence and victimization can actually counteract the goal of rehabilitation, leading to worse behavior.
Many of the symposium participants talked about how prison is not designed to rehabilitate or treat offenders. They had to search for and find treatment and wellness on their own, which is a testament to their resilience and strength. Each said they learned through experience about the importance of protecting their overall health and wellness.
Michael Huff is a professor who runs a chemical dependency certificate program at California State University East Bay. He has been mentoring lifers in the Offender Mentor Certification Program since 2016. It’s a voluntary substance abuse certification program for long-term offenders in California prisons. He helped facilitate a discussion on substance abuse and trauma.
“Most people in the free world don’t have the time incarcerated people have to do this kind of processing work on themselves,” said Huff.
“I know as a sociologist by training, that for most offenders, what brought them to prison often happened to them first. Hurt people hurt people. But healed people can heal people,” he said.
For six hours, participants shared their commonality of life experiences, trauma and different coping strategies used to find healing. Being willing to be vulnerable and asking for help, as well as depending on your support network, was the advice repeated by the formerly incarcerated. The day was long enough for participants to enjoy breakfast and lunch together before parting ways.
“If people learn how to process and deal with trauma before they end up in prison, these warehouses would be empty,” said incarcerated person Dennis Jefferson, who led a discussion about domestic violence.
Goodall, founder of the Emotional Awareness Therapy program, said he hopes to bring the EAT program to the world to help keep others from coming to prison.
“I want to bring more awareness to the emotional work we do. We want to encourage more people in and outside of prison to do this work. We encourage people to go to our website and learn about the program,” he said.
Steve Brooks is a California Local News Fellow with Bay City News Foundation, reporting from inside San Quentin Rehabilitation Center. His perspective gives readers insight into issues and news from inside the prison. See more of his work at Inside/Out on Local News Matters.