Fatherless Father’s Day: Grief and gratitude for the man who empowered his daughters

MY FATHER ALWAYS CLAIMED that he had “built three tall buildings.” Though looked down upon by society for having no sons, he cared the most about his three daughters, and their education. Growing up in Karabuk, Turkiye, I vividly remember my dad’s excitement before each academic year started. He would get the list of the supplies we needed and wrap all our books before the first day. Those “tall buildings” he built ended up being a dentist, a doctor and a professor. Research shows that fathers have immeasurable positive impact when they support daughters in their self esteem and their educational pursuits. My sisters and I are living proofs of these research results.

It was not easy for a factory worker to build those tall buildings, but together with his wife, they did it. Aside from the cultural challenges of the rural area, there were significant financial hurdles as well. Coming from a traditional, low socio-economic family in rural Turkiye, my father had to stop going to school after the eighth grade to support his siblings and parents. His upbringing also meant obeying elders and not sending girls to higher-ranked schools. Despite this reality, he never tolerated any gender discrimination for his daughters’ education. Instead, he devoted everything he had to our education, which included working up to 12-hour shifts seven days a week at high-risk factories as a welder, suffering from burns and losing his hearing.

My mom had to stop going to school after the fifth grade because girls were not sent to middle school in her rural area. Still, she constantly encouraged us to have “a golden bracelet.” In other words, a job, so we could be independent. When my parents were asked whether they had sons or not, they answered that they had three sons who are with their mothers, referring to their future sons-in-law.