MY FATHER ALWAYS CLAIMED that he had “built three tall buildings.” Though looked down upon by society for having no sons, he cared the most about his three daughters, and their education. Growing up in Karabuk, Turkiye, I vividly remember my dad’s excitement before each academic year started. He would get the list of the supplies we needed and wrap all our books before the first day. Those “tall buildings” he built ended up being a dentist, a doctor and a professor. Research shows that fathers have immeasurable positive impact when they support daughters in their self esteem and their educational pursuits. My sisters and I are living proofs of these research results.
It was not easy for a factory worker to build those tall buildings, but together with his wife, they did it. Aside from the cultural challenges of the rural area, there were significant financial hurdles as well. Coming from a traditional, low socio-economic family in rural Turkiye, my father had to stop going to school after the eighth grade to support his siblings and parents. His upbringing also meant obeying elders and not sending girls to higher-ranked schools. Despite this reality, he never tolerated any gender discrimination for his daughters’ education. Instead, he devoted everything he had to our education, which included working up to 12-hour shifts seven days a week at high-risk factories as a welder, suffering from burns and losing his hearing.
My mom had to stop going to school after the fifth grade because girls were not sent to middle school in her rural area. Still, she constantly encouraged us to have “a golden bracelet.” In other words, a job, so we could be independent. When my parents were asked whether they had sons or not, they answered that they had three sons who are with their mothers, referring to their future sons-in-law.
Since we had only one space heater for a two bedroom apartment, we had to organize all of our schedules. For example, my parents would not have guests over in the winter, so that we could have heat while doing our homework. We would spend the entire summer working on my grandparents’ farm to help with the house expenses. I actually never had a toy of my own or a bike. Instead, I would make baby dolls by drawing on plastic bags or utilize rocks in the garden to draw.
Sharing whatever we had
At a very young age, my sisters and I were taught the importance of sharing and helping others signified by the proverb, “Do good and throw it into the sea.” Whether it was food, clothing or educational material, whatever limited stuff we had, it was shared with loved ones and neighbors.
Although my parents maintained a dream of seeing their daughters as doctors, I was very upfront with them. I explained that I could not be a doctor because I could not stand seeing people suffer. Instead, I chose to alleviate human suffering through decision analytics and management science tools, especially in the areas of public health, humanitarian operations and human trafficking. Gratefully, I have become quite successful in that.
My dad’s love for education, my mom’s wish to raise strong women, their drive for equality for their daughters, and their core beliefs of doing good things, definitely made me who I am.
It was instilled in me that there was no limit to my abilities and capabilities. My parents, especially my dad, always believed in and communicated that to me. I became the first from my city (Karabuk) and also my alma mater in Istanbul to be a recipient of a Fulbright scholarship and to be admitted to Georgia Institute of Technology, number one in the world for my major. I have served on the United States Department of Transportation’s Advisory Committee on Human Trafficking. I am about to obtain early tenure, which is only given to faculty who have been excellent in two areas of teaching, research and service. I have passed three stages of my early tenure application with “excellent” status in all those three areas.
My dad’s love for education, my mom’s wish to raise strong women, their drive for equality for their daughters, and their core beliefs of doing good things, definitely made me who I am. I am the only one from the family to pursue higher education and come to the U.S. Unfortunately, we recently lost my dad to cancer and my mom is far away but the lessons they have taught me stay with me to pass along to my own kids. As we approach Father’s Day, I know my awards and success are due to them and other parents who strive for education and giving their children better opportunities.
About the author
Dr. Kezban Yagci Sokat is an assistant professor in Business Analytics at San Jose State University and a Public Voices Fellow with The OpEd Project. She is a mother of two young children. She dedicates her tenure to her father.