THE CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF AGING pointed out last week that May is officially Older Americans Month. This year’s theme is “Flip the Script on Aging.”
Great idea, especially as in some countries I’m almost old enough to be put on an ice floe and pushed out to sea.
So, it’s Older Americans Month. What does the state think we should do? Turns out, things we should be doing all year. The email I received said, “This theme encourages a shift in how society views, talks about, and approaches aging, challenging negative stereotypes and promoting a more positive perspective.” Right. No more ice floe jokes.
According to the state, this month is “a time to focus on the positive aspects of aging — like the wisdom, strength, and resilience older adults bring to our communities. It’s also a good reminder to talk with loved ones about aging.”
That’s code for “My 401[k] disintegrated, and you’re going to need a better job and a guest room in a few years.”
But it is important to discuss possibilities, which isn’t always fun. Older people seem to be doing a much better job than ever of preparing for their physical and mental future in later life. No one wants to burden their children as they get older, and even a little preparation is better than waiting for life (and death) events to happen and having to scramble to react to them.
But what about the other 11 months?
The state’s ideas are good ones, though I always wonder, when we have an officially government-sanctioned month officially recognizing a group of people, are we allowed to ignore them the other 11 months?
I hope not. I happen to count my getting-older blessings at least once a day. I say something to myself like “Youth is wasted on the young.” Then I clean up the Pop-Tart wrappers strewn all over my kitchen and wonder why my mystical age-based abilities make me the only one in the house with eyes wise enough to notice cat barf in the middle of a room.
I’m a single parent at 57, with two daughters who need me present and healthy. That’s the resilience part, because I’ve never been as resilient as I am three months from 58 — wise enough to be sober, well-rested, and keeping busy. And I expect that to only increase because I know I’m doing better than at any other age (though, honestly, 24 was pretty awesome).
Because, if not, why did I make all those awful — sometimes nearly fatal — mistakes when I was young? Because (here it comes) youth was definitely wasted on me.
My 16-year-old daughter pitches on her softball team. I’ve become wise enough to be a pretty good coach after years of learning. The age-related tradeoff is squatting to catch her during warm-ups and struggling to ignore my screaming knees, which don’t care much about all that wisdom.
So I go to the gym, because I’m wise enough to know I need to keep those knees working for at least a couple more years of squatting.
Don’t forget about me
The California Department of Aging also said, “When we talk with the older people in our lives, we can choose to honor them by expressing a genuine willingness to listen and connect — not try to solve every issue discussed. Older people usually don’t need rescuing, but they may need help at times. Open conversations between generations benefit everyone, especially when topics include plans and preferences for housing, healthcare and other current or future needs.”
Yes, exactly. This is huge. Of course, it should apply to people of all ages, but older people tend to get forgotten in everyone else’s overly busy lives. Expecting an older person to be happy in front of a screen all day is as bad as those old guilt-inspiring commercials of busy parents shoving their kids in front of the TV.
Just because seniors slowed down doesn’t mean anyone should stop trying to get them to move, enjoy life, and believe there’s still life to be lived.
Just because older people no longer take care of their offspring — or maybe don’t have much to offer in their day-to-day lives — doesn’t mean anyone should forget them. And, let’s face it, people do. They raised them. They nurtured them. They made a conscious decision to devote at least part, if not most, of their lives to their upbringing and well-being. They sacrificed, and just because they’ve slowed down doesn’t mean anyone should stop trying to get them to move, enjoy life, and believe there’s still life to be lived.
Especially if they have grandchildren — there’s a whole new generation they can benefit. Deliver their grandchildren to them as much as possible. Then make sure the kids brush their teeth from the pounds of sugar their grandparents shovel into their mouths when no one’s around to stop them.
People need to feel growth until the day they die, or they run out of reasons to be here. And when that happens, that day probably isn’t far behind. And that’s a day we dread and, in most cases, should be pushed back as far as possible.
What does a longer lifespan mean to you? Talented local columnists tag-team every Friday to tackle the challenges that inform your choices — whether you’re pushing 17 or 70. Recent Stanford Center on Longevity Visiting Scholar Susan Nash looks at life experiences through an acerbic personal lens, while other longtime writers take the macro view to examine how society will change as the aging population grows ever larger. Check in every Friday to expand your vision of living the long game and send us your feedback, column suggestions and ideas for future coverage to newsroom@baycitynews.com.